Our lives have changed

So this is more for my records, but feel free to read...it may be long, consider yourself warned. So its now been a whole 12 days since Landon was born. Looking back on that day.... I hadn't slept at all the night before, and we had to be at the hospital at 6:00am. I felt like I knew what to expect because I had been through it before. Justin and I were both nervous and anxious at the same time. As they prepped me, IVs, machine hook ups, etc. I just kept thinking "I can't believe its time for this". When they rolled me in the surgery room, and started the process my heart was racing and I became very very frightened. Life was about to change forever and I wasn't quite sure if I was ready for that. When I heard him cry for the first time my heart was warmed and all I could do is listen to him and wait to get to see his sweet little body. The doctors and nurses all raved at how big he was, and in my mind I was thinking "oh no, I have a gigantic baby......" When they said 9 pounds 4 ounces, I was in shock! No one in my family had ever had such a big baby. When Justin brought him to my face, all I could do is kiss his soft cheeks and smile at how beautiful and perfect he looked. In the recovery room it was just Justin, Landon and I. I was in there for about 2 and half hours, and it was the most perfect time to just bond and look at this little baby who just entered our family. It was so peaceful and relaxing, I couldn't have asked for a better experience. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing us with such a beautiful baby. He may be big, but he is so perfect and healthy and that is all I could have asked for. Life has changed so much, and with that comes doubt and hesitation. It has taken my body so much longer to recover than before, which makes it that much harder for me to be a good mom. I just have to continue to allow my family to help me, and let Justin do everything that I can't! Its so hard to sit and watch, but the more I do, the more I hurt. I am blessed with wonderful family who loves me and loves my kids. And most importantly, blessed with a sweet new addition to our family!